The Essential Parts of Any Raid: Ventrilo Edition

About a year ago I made an entry on The Essential Parts of Any Raid, showing who you needed to bring in order to have a successful raid. Now, since most raids use a voice chat service such as Ventrilo, it’s time to go through the people you’ll need in your channel to have a full and entertaining evening.

The Loud Talker

Pretty self explanatory. If you’re wearing headphones, prepare to have your ears blown out. If it’s through your speakers, turning the volume on them down prevents you from hearing anyone else. Unfortunately playing too important a role to mute.

The Low Talker

This player either has their microphone about six feet from their mouth, is a quiet person in general or is just too cheap to spring for a new mic. Talks frequently. Wonders in raid chat why they’re being ignored.

The Non-Talker

The player that never talks, ever. Owns a mic. Communicates exclusively in raid/guild chat. One hell of a listener, though and generally a solid player. Talked once and nearly wiped the raid as everyone freaked out.

The Play by Play Guy

Like CNN and The Weather Channel, constantly updating the condition of the raid. The mob health, their health, raid buffs, how much they just crit for, their drink supply, the temperature of their Hot Pockets, etc. For this person, I link them some Ground Gear.

Captain Obvious

“Come on, DPS, step it up!” “Healers, top off those tanks!” “Here come some adds, let’s get a tank on them!” “Rebuff!” /headdesk

The Dude That’s Always Logged In

Inexplicably always logged into Vent even if they’re not logged into the game. May be in a different channel with one or more unknown persons. Causes frequent discussions between guild officers as if the password should be changed.

The DJ

Whenever Push To Talk is hit, a wave of music fills the raid’s ears. For some reason, this player cannot DPS unless something is cranked to 11 in the background. Has never played World of Warcraft with the volume on. Choice of music is either extremely emo or some sort of death metal. Oddly able to be understood over vent when they speak and a good listener.

The Most Important Person In The Entire Raid

A horrible combination of The Play By Play Guy and Captain Obvious. Is also, unfortunately, a Loud Talker. This person will constantly mention over Vent every single thing that happens to them, even if it’s a standard part of the fight and happening to every single member of the raid.

Karazhan example: Maiden of Virtue’s Repentance. “I can’t move! Somebody help me!”
Naxxramas example: Maexena’s Web Wrap. “STUNNED!”

And when they die…”I’M DOWN!!!!!!” as if you might as well wipe since because THEY’RE DOWN!!!! the rest of the fight is meaningless. Will request battle rezzes every time they die. Which is often.

Any others I’m missing?

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10 Comments on “The Essential Parts of Any Raid: Ventrilo Edition”

  1. Jae Says:

    I’m having an issue with my own version of “The Most Important Person in the Entire Raid.” This guy not only does all of that, but reads every. single. DBM. Warning. to the raid.

    On Globby the other day, when he was down to, oh, 20% – this schmuck was screaming out names as we got the injection even though we all knew that everybody had the mod and everybody KNEW.



  2. Lussafirin Says:

    You forgot the “Makes cracks about Pally healers when they are not on Vent” guy guild.

    But I guess most people fall into the “Only talks between fights because they can’t push-to-talk AND push-to-kill at the same time” category.

  3. Bondmykebond Says:

    You forgot the person(s) who insist on talking about mundane out-of-game topics while in the middle of a boss fight. I call them “The Ramblers”: “So yah, I got six pages of homework tonight”, “Aunt Sassy is going for their fourth child”, “I like pie!”

    It appears the lure of a captive audience of real people is too much temptation for some, who launch in to exhaustive discourse on the events of their lives. They also tend to act very wounded when an officer tells them to pipe down.

  4. Morane Says:

    ^^^ That’s me.

  5. The Hungry Guy

    This guy must keep a year’s supply of gummy bears by his desk, because you never hear him speak clearly. Most likely a mouth-breather, and talks with their mouth full. Believe me, he will talk a LOT.

  6. Kolan Says:

    The Drunk/Stoned Guy

    While I’ll admit to occasionaly being the former I had to laugh at a guild/pug Naxx run the other day. I was not in it but /guildchat kept going on about the “Stoned tank” they were running with. Funny thing is that at the start it was “OMFG this guy is stoned” to “Stoned tank FTW!!”.

    Most amusing.



  7. *vlad* Says:

    How about “The Questioner”. Someone who has to ask a question about every single raid encounter ‘just to be sure I’ve got it right in my head’.
    Then when loot drops they have to question whether their current gear is as good as the drop, whether it’s worth spending dkp on, whether there is a better drop to hold onto, where they can cash in their Tier tokens, how many bosses we are planning to do, and do we still have time to do them yadda yadda endless yakking please stfu for once!!

  8. Anea Says:

    The person that gets on my nerves the most is who Bondmykebond suggested – those people that are always talking about irrelevant stuff at the most inappropriate times (like a boss fight). Augh!

    Also, you could include “The Kid” – always has to go at random, usually inconvenient times. You can sometimes hear a parent yelling in the background. “Hold on guys, I have to take out the trash/walk the dog/clean my room/bargain for 15 more minutes.”

  9. gnomeaggedon Says:

    The combo: The Loud Talker, Play by Play Guy, Captain Obvious Most Important Person In The Entire Raid.

    Is always interrupting everyone else… but then to be fair never shuts up, so is bound to interrupt anyone else with the foolish desire to talk. Everything is play by play… well, everything you should be doing, he doesn’t need to be told, usually telling you what to do 2 seconds after you already did it (Counterspell that guy… the one that can’t cast right now?, BattleRez the mage, you mean the one that’s already DPS’ing again? etc…)
    Never-did-a-thing-wrong-in-his-life (Who the hell tab-targetted and pulled the pat?.. Well, well? No I wasn’t me… I NEVER tab-target… I don’t care what the combat log said, it wasn’t me…)
    The play-by-play looter (who also takes 5 minutes to loot) “Mmmm, that’s +1 Int on that item, +3 on that item, +20 dmg etc… Maybe I could use it main spec, maybe I could use it off spec… maybe I wont roll, maybe I will roll”

    I just wish his Mother taught him how to think internally once getting past the ol’ read out loud habit…

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