Archive for the ‘just too weird’ category

RIP Naxxramas (11/13/08-4/14/09)

April 14, 2009

With the release of Patch 3.1 of World of Warcraft, entry level raid Naxxramas passed on into obsolescence Tuesday. It was five months old.

“It had a good run,” Blizzard “blue” poster and game designer Ghostcrawler said late Monday evening as official word of the patch reached the various World of Warcraft news sites and trade chat channels in game. “Five months is an extremely long life span for content these days and our players are clearly ready for something new.”

What was at one time the bleeding edge of endgame content in WoW, Naxxramas was rapidly pwned hardcore by players of all types during its lifespam. First in three days by Ensidia, one of the world’s top guilds, and then more gradually by other guilds around the world, until end boss Kel’Thuzad was being soundly defeated by players that many would consider “noobs.”

“Some claim that Naxxramas was made to be too easy,” Ghostcrawler added. “And that it shouldn’t have taken us five months to come up with more content to replace the old content that was cleared in a month. I say, look at all those epics, man!”

Indeed, during Naxxramas’ lifespam multiple players were able to take multiple Warcraft characters into Naxxramas on both 10 and 25-man raids and gotten their share of phat loot much faster, speeding up the process of no longer needing to go anywhere near the raid once newer content had been released.

Because Naxxramas has been described by much of the player base as “easysauce” and players had five months to kill in between the release of The Wrath of the Lich King expansion pack and the first official patch containing the next level of endgame content, the raid has now joined the category of “nostalgia raiding.” The breakneck pace that a raid went from cutting-edge to nostalgia does not appear to concern Blizzard.

“We expect some Retro Raiding nights to visit Naxxramas to pick up those last couple achievements,” Ghostcrawler continued. “You know, to break up the soon-to-come monotony of Ulduar.”

Naxxramas is survived by that god damned Eye of Eternity on Heroic and Sartharion with three drakes up. Passing on into the realm of the obsolete before Naxxramas were Sunwell Plateau, Black Temple, Mount Hyjal, Tempest Keep, Serpentshrine Cavern, Magtheridon’s Lair and Gruul’s Lair.

Paid Sex Change!

December 10, 2008

First there was the paid server transfer. Alright, that’s cool, let people escape to a better opportunity if they’re on a dead end server.

Then there was the paid name change. Okay, fine. Perfect for the person who realizes that Leoglaxxx is a horrible name for a hunter.

Now there’s the paid sex change. Yes, really. There’s been no official announcement, but I was just looking at it on the official WoW site…”Character Customization” is live. For $15, you can change everything about your character’s look, even their sex. They’ll even throw in a name change if you want for that cost, since if you make yourself female “Mightydude” just wouldn’t be a proper name now, would it?

I didn’t get into the specific details, since Blizzard wanted my credit card information (which they already have, silly Blizz) to charge me the fifteen bucks and I didn’t want to take the risk of getting charged, but here’s the fine print:

This service lets you change your character’s gender, face, hair and skin color, hairstyle, name, and other cosmetic features determined by their race and gender combination.

Since everything but gender and name can be changed in game at the barbershop, it really is a $15 sex change operation. And a trip abroad isn’t even needed. Oh, and also

You cannot, however, change your character’s race or class.

But at the rate that they’re going, I’m sure that will be live sometime in 2009. Gnomadins will have their day, oh yes.

And now a (thankfully) brief trip into the mind of Doofy…

August 6, 2008

“Let’s see… http://www.worldofwarcraft.com/account…username, password…”

Last login: March 8, 2008 5:30:02 PM

“Hmm… should really do something about that.”

*Suddenly, Doofy’s brain splits into evil and good halves.*

Good Doofy: “Five months away from the game, that’s, like, eleven in MMO years. Think about how much you missed! It will be exciting!

Evil Doofy: “Yeah, everyone you knew quit the game in that time. Good luck trying to find people to chat and group with, sucker.”

Good Doofy: “You’ve got that game time card sitting right there! Your credit card won’t hate you for at least two months!”

Evil Doofy: “But when you realize in the first five minutes that it sucks, you’re out that game card that you could have eBayed or something.”

Good Doofy: “You even spent three hours installing and patching the game on that BRAND FREAKING NEW COMPUTER YOU JUST BOUGHT.”

Evil Doofy: “You just bought a new computer? Crap, Goody-Two-Shoes over there is right. See ya.”

*Doofy’s brain halves reunite*

*click*

That’s right, baby. We’re back.

Ridiculously late New Year’s Resolutions

January 12, 2008

Horribly late, of course, but I figured I’d mention these New Year’s resolutions that I’ve made for my characters (or have they made them for me? Hmmm.)

Doofy:

1. 375 Blacksmithing. Suck it up, you cheap bastard. I’ve even got an epic pattern that makes it worth levelling.
2. Replace these blue cloth shoulders. It’s the last piece of non-plate. I don’t care how you do it. Pray that the Shade of Aran drops his, get the ones from heroic Hellfire Ramparts or do some PVP for the welfare epics. They just look goofy at this point.
3. Do some freaking dailies. Again, suck it up and do them. Not the crappy ones, of course, but there are orcs in Shadowmoon Valley and ogres in Blade’s Edge that just want to hand me mad stacks of cash for a few minutes of work.

Sherm:

1. Replace that silly staff. Get a Karazhan drop, or finally hit Honor Hold exalted for their rockin’ sword. Done! I now have said sword, and the badge offhand to go with it, and it’s given me a net of 70 more damage. Woo hoo!
2. Finish your badge grind. Looks like you’ll need 25 more for the pants, and then another 25 if you want that wand and it’s hilarious 180 DPS.
3. Exalted Scryers. Come on! Use that spell damage to kill some blood elves. You’ll need the epic spellthread to go with those pants, and you’re probably not replacing those Mana-Etched Shoulders for a while so might as well put the exalted enchant on them, no?

Doffy:

1. Get 70! You’re 68 now, it’s not that much more.
2. Get Karazhan keyed. Not that your guild is going back there anymore, but it would be nice to have, just in case.
3. Use your Primal Might transmute as much as possible. It cost four of them to specialize, might as well try to make your money back. Pray for the epic five-proc!

Waldorf:

1. Stop forgetting about me. You only love me for my disenchanting. Jerk.
2. If you’re not going to completely forget about me, at least get me to 50 so I can train to 375 enchanting and use this bank full of mats I’ve been collecting.
3. Why am I camped in Exodar? This isn’t fair. I’m lonely. Can someone help me? Please?
Anyone? Hellooooooooo…

The Great Shattered Halls Sit In of ’07

January 2, 2008

OMG. That’s really all I can say about this.

So the other day, the daily heroic quest was Shattered Halls. Sherm really, really needs Honor Hold rep (and badges) so I hop on and jump straight into the LFG pool to see if I could get a group before the Karazhan trip. I love the bastards in my guild, but none of them ever wanna do heroics. I suppose the addition of badges in Karazhan has killed a lot of desire to do them.

Anyway, the group is a rogue and huntard from the same guild that I was unfamiliar with, a holy priest and a prot paladin, heard of their guilds, unfamiliar with them though.. Gear is about on par for it, we should slug it out until the end. The start goes fine, as it usually does. A rogue lets us skip the slime pit which is nice, first boss goes down.

The gauntlet takes a couple of tries, as a heroic pug should. Keep frigging moving. No, if you die, we’re not out of combat long enough to rez you, release and run your lazy ass back. Third try finally gets through, the boss is nothing special, it’s like the same mob on normal, except now he’s got a name and thoughtfully gives up a badge.

We skip the gladiator guys on the side, the funny ogre boss goes down without much trouble as well. He sucks when he swaps aggro tables, but a paladin helps get him back. Ice Block does, too. Yay.

Now. The last boss. Already somewhat of a douche on normal, he’s probably the worst end boss I can think of on heroic. No, wait, the Mana Tombs end boss sucks more. But Warchief Kargath Bladefist is #2. On two attempts, he would charge me (not aggro based at all), then go right into his Blade Dance. On heroic, those 3 hits kill me. Yes, I suppose I could lrn2hitpoints, but still I’ve done this boss before. He’s hard, but he’s beatable. The second Blade Dance wipes the group. Also happened both times.

We run back and buff up after the second wipe. I think we’re ready to pull, then the following happens.

“We’re getting a warlock” (capitalization and apostrophe added by me, of course)
*You have been removed from the group
/s wtf?

The rogue and huntard bolt for the door to summon, having invited someone else in their guild to the group. The priest and paladin are all like “wow, that was f*cked up” and “sorry dude, wasn’t our call.”

I believe the rogue and huntard assumed that one the following would then happen:

1) I would shrug it off, and port myself out.
2) I would get the “you are not in this group’s instance” and get teleported out in one minute.

Neither of the above was going to happen (in heroics, you get a raid ID and are saved as soon as a boss dies). In protest over what just happened, I staged the first ever Shattered Halls Sit In. The priest and paladin then joined me in solidarity. I don’t know if they left on their own or were also removed by the rogue and huntard. Since bad stuff happens when you try to put a sixth person into a five man instance, I think it took them a bit to figure out what was going on.

Once they finally got a bit of a clue, the tells started:

“leave the instance”
“get out”
“u suck”
“get the f*ck out of our instance”

And those were the nicer ones. A forum post went up while this was going on. Within minutes, I was given a link to a post elsewhere in the thread. Turns out, they’ve pulled this exact same stunt before. What a trash guild. Things like this really make me regret rolling Alliance at times. I wouldn’t let these bastards win.

The Sit In continued. I went afk for about 20 minutes and had dinner. While I was away, rogue stealthed back to the instance, aggroed the boss and then Vanished, killing me.

“haha u died”
“Okay, and?”
“its funny”

Here was their second fatal assumption, ladies and gentlemen. They thought that at some point, I would automatically release my spirit so they could zone in and steal the instance from me. While, yes, it’s true that you have six minutes to do so when you’re out in the world and you die, that is not the case in instances and has not been for some time.

“when do u release”
“Ummm, when I click ‘Release Spirit.'”
“no u have 6 minutes”
“Not in instances.”
“were reporting u to a gm”

I started getting profanity spammed by other members of this horrible excuse for a guild. While I’ve got a full /ignore list (I have a low tolerance for idiots. I make sure I can never see any /yells. Saves a lot of time and ignore space.), right clicking someone to Report Spam basically does the same thing, which is nice.

“I see on the forums you’ve done this before. Sorry I ruined your plan.”
“what forums”

Finally, the guild master began whispering me. He seemed legitimately clueless to what was going on. I asked him what kind of guild he runs if he lets his members pull this type of crap. He asked me to get on their vent to discuss it. I said this isn’t something that has to be taken onto vent. He then began offering me strategies for the boss. I don’t need a freaking strategy. I was the one to get charged, which immediately went into a Blade Dance which I took the brunt of and was dead before I could Ice Block or any heals could go off. It happens. It’s a heroic boss, it’s supposed to be hard.

“will u just leave our instance”
“I have a raid ID. It’s my instance too. Nothing says I have to leave.”

Two hours into Shattered Halls Sit In ’07, it was time for Karazhan. I am still lying, dead, at the bottom of the stairs to the boss. I had explained to my guild members what was going on and they thought it was the most hilarious thing ever. I also mentioned it in the custom channel that some of my guild uses with a bunch of friends we’ve got in other guilds from the remnants of a guild alliance from way back in the day. We cooked up ideas on how else I could make the most of this.

“I have a friend in Honor Hold. Give them 200g and I’ll release.”
“lol were reporting u for extortion”

Darn, I was all set to release for a mere 100g, too.

While my guild is nine-manning Attumen trash (and eventually Attumen himself), about two and a half hours into the event, one of the stealthed mobs and wolf pat respawn, immediately eating the rogue. who was still stealthed next to me, waiting for me to release. I turn around, and the last two trash mobs before the boss himself have respawned, so I’m guessing it’s a full trash repop.

I have won. Satisfied (and since they were almost at Moroes), I release, corpse run, hearth to repair and grab some consumables and am summoned to Karazhan all in a matter of minutes.

“r u out of the instance yet”
“I am. Enjoy clearing all the trash again.”

They never went back.